take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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