you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
