mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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