gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
