god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
