Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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