Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
