i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
