Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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