My sheets look like a crime scene.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
