Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
