I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
try to milk me bitch
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
