Cold hands, warm shart.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
