We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
