I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
