careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
