I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
