TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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