i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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