Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
