Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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