I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
should my penis look like a turkey
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
