my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
