If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
