I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
