i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
