haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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