She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
