Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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