He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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