Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Ladies don't puke and tell
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
