K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
