Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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