friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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