Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
