wanna go halves on a baby?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
