So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
