Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So much rum. So many feels.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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