Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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