I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
