OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
she smelled like a LAN party
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
