Umm I'm too high to move.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
