the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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