did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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