just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
