She said her name was "party"
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I love having hate sex.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
