if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
