God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
