Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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