Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
