I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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