Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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