we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
