GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
